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Enable Your Kids to Manage Worry

Surely it is difficult to imagine kids that worry. However, parents definitely have experienced their tiny tots with faces worn with worry. Parents know that even if panic is not something people associate with children, they do fret about things that affect them.

Of course, paying bills, cooking dinners or managing carpools and grocery lists are not concerns that keep children worried, but they can have just as pertinent frustrations and disappointments as adults. Things that don’t go smoothly in their day can contribute to worry and frustration in children as much as they do in adults.

Some kids might worry more than others because of differences in temperament and / or personality. You as a parent, can help them to manage and overcome worry without minimizing their concerns.  This helps children to develop confidence and have an optimistic outlook that instills a belief that it is ok to worry to some extent, but it is also important to work towards solving the problem that is causing the worry. This with the added belief that problems are largely solvable if they are worked on, is what will give them the confidence to master the challenges they will face as adults.

What Do Kids Worry About?

The things that cause worry in kids and preteens can range from grades, tests, their changing bodies, fitting in with friend, some minor setbacks, some seemingly major challenge facing them to social troubles like peer pressure, bullying, teasing or feeling left out.

Preteens might also find world events worrisome and might get negatively affected by news of war. Terrorism, pollution, global warming, natural disasters or endangered animal or plant species are also triggers for your child.

Helping Kids Conquer Worry

There are a few things you can do to help your kids manage their worry:

• Be available without probing too much. Children need a safety net to fall back into without feeling that they are not trusted to take care of their problems. Be sure to listen to not only their words, but their tones to figure out if there is something worrying them.
• Ask open ended questions and show that you are ready to listen without judgement or anger. Try not to control their choices or decisions.
• Ask them how their day is going or how the day went, regularly. Also make sure you ask how they think and feel about the day’s events, especially if you hear about conflicts or stressful incidents.
• If you think there is something worrying them, ask them what it is and help them to put it into words. You don’t need to give them a solution, but putting our worries in words helps us get a better grasp on the situation and also helps in lightening the load.
• Show them that they are important to you. Make them feel supported and understood. Reassure them of their own capability in handling the problem after you have heard them out.
• Guide your kids to possible solutions without jumping in to solve or fix the problem for them. This will equip them to find solutions and solving their problems through creative and collaborative thinking. Do offer to help if it is something that you can help them with. Problem-solve with them rather than for them. Let them take an active role in facing or overcoming their challenges.
• Do not invalidate their feelings or apprehensions, but also point out that issues and challenges are often temporary and surmountable.
• Acknowledge the effort your child has put into a task and communicate to them that you understand how important it is to them. Depending on the situation, you could encourage them to try harder again or maybe suggest they take up something that works better for them. Assure them that it is important that they tried and gave something their best shot.
• Explain world events to them and show them what is being done to solve world problems. Highlight the positive, and correct any misconceptions they have. Show them how to filter news and verify it. Explain to them how easy it is to fall for conspiracy theories for example and what to look out for to easily recognize the signs.
• Make a difference by being different. Remember that many of the apprehensions kids harbor, come from their parents and other adults around them. So, if you are sounding angry, hopeless and despondent, it is quite natural that they will imbibe those emotions from your general attitude towards world events and the status quo in general.
• Show kids what are the ways you are contributing towards world peace or eradication of hunger or reducing pollution. Show them that even if volunteering for these is a small effort, it will still make things better.
• Involve your children in your activities as far as possible, work for the community as a family and let them feel that they are a part of the solution.
• Offer reassurance in the form of encouraging words or a hug. Let them know that you understand them and are available to help them deal with whatever that is worrying them

At the end of it, remember kids will imbibe and learn from what you do rather than what you say. So, be sure to be the role model for them so that they can learn from you.