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Self Esteem in Kids
It is easy to differentiate between kids who feel good about themselves and those who don’t. when you look at a child who is happy, confident and secure, you know they are the ones who have a high self-esteem and are those who feel good about themselves.
What are the signs that your child has a high sense of self-esteem? They will typically feel liked and accepted and confident. They will also feel proud of their achievements and are likely to think good things about themselves. They are also the ones who believe in themselves.
On the other hand, kids with low self-esteem are self-critical and hard on themselves and feel that they are not as good as other kids are. They typically ruminate and focus on the times they failed rather than the times when they succeeded. They lack self-confidence and often doubt their own capabilities.
Importance of a high Self-Esteem
A high sense of self-esteem is pivotal for developing children’s self-confidence. It is instrumental in encouraging children to try new things and to do their best. It also helps children to cope with mistakes or failure. This makes them perform better academically and socially.
Kids with low levels of self-esteem feel unsure about themselves and are worried about not fitting in. They are also likely to let others treat them poorly and have a hard time standing up for themselves. They might also be prone to giving up easily or not try at all. They find it difficult to handle mistakes or failures and often fail to do as well as they could.
How Self-Esteem Develops
Self-esteem slowly grows and develops with time right from when children are babies. It starts from a child feeling safe, loved and accepted. It usually grows with a baby getting positive attention and loving care.
As they grow up and start doing things by themselves, children develop greater self-esteem as they succeed in using their newly learnt skills and when parents pay attention. As a parent it is important to let children try, appreciate their efforts and show them that you are proud of them.
As children grow, self-esteem develops with:
- making progress towards a goal
- learning things at school
- making friends and get along
- learning skills — music, sports, art, cooking, tech. skills
- practicsing favorite activities
- helping, giving, or being kind
- getting praise for good behavior
- trying hard at something
- doing things that they’re good at and enjoy
- being included by others
- feeling understood and accepted
- getting a prize or a good grade they know they’ve earned
When kids have high self-esteem, they feel confident, capable, and accepted for who they are.
How to Build Self-Esteem for your Kids?
Every child develops differently and processes events in their own unique way. So, a higher sense of self-esteem might come naturally for some and not so much for others. However, even if your child has a low self-esteem, there are ways you can help them raise it.
Here is what you can do to help kids improve their self-esteem.
Help children do new things instead of doing it for them. As kids grow, they learn to do things for themselves which gives them a sense of mastery and delight. Things like learning to dress, read, or ride a bike are events that help self-esteem grow.
Let them make mistakes. As kids learn new things, it is natural for them to make mistakes. Don’t correct them beforehand or too harshly. Let them try to learn by themselves and get the sense of achieving something. Don’t make new things too easy or too difficult for them.
Praise your child, but for the right things. While it is good to praise children, it is imperative that you know that all praise is not good praise.
Don’t praise for things they haven’t earned. Don’t be insincere about praise. There is no point in praising your child when they know they don’t deserve it. Let them know that you are proud that they tried or did not give up and also reassure them that you believe they’ll do better the next time.
Praise effort over results. Avoid focusing on the result and focus more on the effort your child has taken. Offer praise for effort, progress and attitude. For example, praise for coming a long way in a skill, or having stuck with some project or for simply working hard at a goal. This will make them value effort and working towards goals and they are more likely to succeed when they do that.
Ban any harsh criticism. Kids often internalize harsh words spoken to them, so it is important that they don’t hear harsh words about themselves. Hearing negative words about themselves harms their self-esteem. Harsh words are not motivating and neither do they help the children do better. Correct children with patience and show them how to do things better the next time.
Focus on their strengths. Praise what your child does well and enjoys rather than focusing on the negatives and weaknesses. This will also improve behavior.
Encourage kids to help others and share with others. When children see the effect, they have on events or the difference they make to others, it helps improve their self-esteem tremendously. They can help at home, school or even the community. They could do favors to their siblings or friends and all of these will help them feel good about themselves.
Be a good role model. When you put effort into your tasks (like gardening, cleaning dishes, making a meal, washing your car etc.), you’re setting good examples. Your child learns to put effort into cleaning up toys, doing their homework, or making the bed. Modeling the right attitude is important too. When you do tasks, you teach your child to do the same. Your child learns from your behavior and attitude and models on how you see tasks, challenges, mistakes and failures.
So, be sure to keep these in mind to help your child develop a high sense of self-esteem.
